Snuggaloids
"They watch you sleep."
$24.99
Anxious home? Quiet children? Unexplained screaming from the ventilation shaft? A licensed Snuggloid can help smooth the atmosphere. These companions offer a unique sense of presence. They're soft, they're silent, and their unblinking gaze is surprisingly comforting. Bonding may be permanent. Separation fees apply.
Reality Layer
Plush companions. Real, physical, holdable plush toys. The eyes are buttons. We want to be very clear about the buttons. Distribution is being expanded — your region is not yet approved but we are working on it.
Snuggloid distribution is currently limited to approved regions. Your area is not yet approved. They are patient. You should be too.
Your coordinates are outside our current distribution matrix.
SKU: SNG-001
- Material
- Ultra-soft polyester plush, button eyes (they are buttons)
- Dimensions
- 30cm tall (seems taller in low light)
- Weight
- 400g (heavier than expected, reason undisclosed)
- Origin
- Planet Qarnivor (pre-extinction media archive)
- Care Instructions
- Surface wash only. Do not make eye contact while washing.
- Age Rating
- 3+ (emotionally, for the adult in the room)
- Bonding Classification
- Category II Companion (permanent bonding threshold: 72 hrs)
- Lore Status
- Post-extinction entities; commercial origin confirmed
What is the lore behind Snuggaloids?
Originally marketed as comfort companions on Planet Qarnivor approximately five years before a nuclear exchange between Pro-Spoon and Anti-Spoon factions, the Snuggaloids that emerged from the resulting wasteland bore an uncanny resemblance to the advertised product. Whether the originals were inspired by the entities or vice versa remains academically contested.
Do they actually watch me?
No. The eyes are buttons. Buttons do not watch. We have confirmed this multiple times and we are confident in our answer.
Why aren't they available in my area?
Distribution is managed region by region. Your local fulfillment agreement is pending approval. The Snuggaloids are aware of this and are waiting patiently.
Is there a waiting list?
There is now. You were always on it.
Can I buy more than one?
You may. They prefer company. So do most people, if they are honest about it.
R. Holloway, Night Shift Worker
Recently
I work nights. My apartment was quiet in a bad way. The Snuggaloid fixed that. I can feel it there. Even when I'm asleep. Especially when I'm asleep. Five stars. I bought three.
A Child (Age 7)
Last Birthday
It is my best friend. It told me things. My parents say it did not tell me things. We disagree about this.
Someone's Parent (Name Withheld)
Filed Under: Concerns
The toy itself is lovely. Very soft. My concern is that my child now refers to it by a name we did not give it, and has started setting a place for it at the table. Three stars. We are monitoring the situation.
Dr. M. Fenwick, Xenopsychology Dept.
Research Note
Observed subjects develop measurable emotional dependency within 48 hours. The plush construction is excellent. The button eyes register no measurable electromagnetic output. We have checked eleven times. Four stars pending further study.